It’s a To Do List of two halves this month, because THERE’S SO F*CKING MUCH TO DO! We’re loving September already and it’s only just begun!

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Here’s Part One, and be sure to keep an eye out for Part Two (out on Thursday 8th) for even more ninth month amazingness, featuring La Cucina Futurista, Sound Tracks Festival, Mysterious Skin, Shinky Shonky with Thundercub, Unskinny Bop, Postmodernism: Style and Subversion, & Polari: London’s Peerless Gay Literary Salon!

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Decade @ Commodity Quay, St Katharine Docks | All September (until October 15th) | 19:30 + matinees | £35  

 Decade is the new site specific show about 9/11 from pioneering Rupert Goold’s Headlong Theatre who brought Enron to the West End. The show is taking place at St Katherine’s Docks and promises to be epic in scale and content.

Ignite 2011 @ Royal Opera House | 2-4 September | Noon onwards | Free – £15

Having very much enjoyed this free festival sponsored by a rather massive bank for the last two years, we were excited to see that Ignite has not lost its penchant for the weird and wonderful. Highlights for us include Mike Figgis’ films being shown and a super installation by one of our favourite fashion/art photographers Guy Bourdin.

La Haine Screening @ Passing Clouds | 4 September | 19:00 – 21:00 | Free

Free screening of La Haine, the seminal gang violence film starring Matthieu Kassovitz at the uberfun and slightly underground Passing Clouds art club.

Thames Festival | 10 & 11 September | Free 

Oh no! Boris has been at the Vino again, here’s the result – The Thames Festival 2011 on the Southbank (as featured in our little Festivals guide a while back). Our top picks include: The Night Carnival & Firework Finale on Sunday - an illuminated procession best seen from Victoria Embankment (they say); New European Village all weekend - which celebrates culture in Central and Eastern Europe; & Feast on the Bridge - food filled fun on Sunday

Comedy @ Soho-Ho | 10 & 24 September | 20:00 | £12.50

Our new fortnightly comedy hangout in seedy Soho – we’re particularly looking forward to Kerry Godliman on the 10th September. Some special price £5 bargain tickets are available here.

Toyah does Wig Out @ Ghetto Factory (LSE) | 10 September | 22:00 – 01:00 | £3-7

There will be Thunder in the Mountains from this Queen of the Stone Age hehe. It’s Toyah at Wig Out.
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Watch This Space Festival @ The National Theatre | Until 24 September | Free

We have covered this festival to death now (we got excited about it here) but we still love it and it continues until the 24th September. We recommend: Page Blanche - an insane mix of visual art, live music and theatre; and also Just Another Boyband – a juggling tribute to the boybands we’ve known and loved.

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And don’t forget Part Two, coming next Thursday!

Get your shorts on, it’s summer.

Pretty much.

Stick two fingers up at the ever present threat of rain, for festival season is fast approaching. Of course, it’s not all about Glastonbury, and here at Loserville, we’re quite happy to stick within the confines of this magnificent capital city of ours, and enjoy all the festival type fun and frolics that London has to offer.

In the first part of our guide to enjoying Festivaltabulous London, we’re ALL ABOUT THE FREE STUFF! That’s right, everything below is free (or free-ish), so there’s no excuse not to get stuck in!

April 13 – September 30 | More London Festival |  The Scoop

An outdoor sunken amphitheatre with seating for 800, The Scoop is home to a variety of free events throughout the summer, including free films, music and theatre.

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April 30 – May 2 | Canalway Cavalcade |Little Venice

A unique community and waterways festival in the heart of London, including trade shows, bands, a real ale bar, and a variety of tasty snacks and food.

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POSTPONED | Little London Fields Festival | London Fields

A fusion of up and comers, already there’s and super secret, smashing headliners (TBC), eschewing musical tones from genres: Dub, Electro, Indie, dance, rockabilly, prog, pop & house (with a lil garage). UPDATE: Hackney Council, in their wisdom, have forced a postponement – Little London Fields Festival should now be taking place on August 20th. Fingers crossed.

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June 4 & 5 | London Green Fair | Regents Park

A festival that reflects the green aspirations and achievements of London as a whole, as well as providing an enjoyable and engaging day out for people from all walks of life – an interactive smorgasbord of both serious and suggestive takes on the environmental issues that affect Londoners.

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June 18 & 19 | Paradise Gardens Festival | Victoria Park

Otherwise known as a 21st Century pleasure garden, Paradise Gardens will host a variety of music venues, innovative street arts and dance performances, sprinkled with quality bars and even boasting a craft fair.

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June 24 – July 2 | Greenwich & Docklands International Festival | Various Venues

Be sure to head to this unique and diverse festival which the Sunday Times called “a thrilling showcase of high octane perfoming arts”. Last year, highlights included Oxymer, a spectacular and surreal parable for the 21st century, evoking extraordinary images of evolution and environmental catastrophe. Obviously.

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July 1 – September 11 | Watch This Space Festival | National Theatre, South Bank

Theatre, fire, circus, juggling, music, dance and street performance… the National Theatre’s free festival of outdoor entertainment is back this summer!

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July 1-31 | iTunes Festival | Roundhouse, Camden

More than 60 artists perform 31 consecutive nights of live music at the Roundhouse in Camden. Every ticket  is free (you can enter a ballot on the iTunes Festival website) – the 2011 lineup includes Adele, Foo Fighters, Manic Street Preachers, White Lies and, um, Duran Duran.

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July 2-24 | Ealing Summer Festival | Various Venues

An explosion of laughter, music and culture throughout July. With Comedy, Jazz, Blues, Opera and Global music filling the big top tent in Walpole Park, and Carnival celebrations in Acton and Greenford, the season will end in a finale of modern and traditional Asian culture at the London Mela.

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July 10 | Lewisham Peoples Day | Mountsfield Park, Lewisham

Celebrating its 27th year, Lewisham’s biggest (only?) festival brings together 100s of performers, businesses and community groups in one amazing day! 2010 saw Katrina (of Katrina & The Waves fame!) headlining… This year we’re hoping for Sonia!

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July 16 & 17 | Lambeth Country Show | Brockwell Park

Celebrating all that’s best about the countryside (in London), entertainment over the weekend will include sheep dog displays, jousting, flower and vegetable competitions – bring on the funny-shaped turnips!

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August 15-28 | London Culture Festival | Various Venues

A two week celebration showcasing London’s cultural diversity through music, literature, photography and fun. Yes, fun!

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September 10 & 11 | Thames Festival | Various Venues

Spaces on and around the River Thames are tarted up, with a mixture of music, dancing, street arts, river races, carnival, pyrotechnics, art installations, massed choirs, food and feasting, topped off by a magical illuminated Night Carnival that winds along the south and north banks of the Thames. With fireworks.

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September 17 & 18 | Open House London | Various Venues

Hundreds of great buildings of all types and periods open up their doors to all, completely for FREE. Enough said.

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September 18 | Newham London Waterfront Festival | Royal Victoria Dock

Food, music, entertainment and cycling in London’s historic docklands. Yes, that says cycling. What could possibly go better alongside a bustling Food Village and a live music stage, than the final stage of the Tour of Britain. Men in lycra. Just saying.

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View Loserville Loves… London Festivals – Part 1 on a map

Tickets went on sale to the general public today and will sell like hot cakes. We don’t want you losers to miss out on this amazing show, so book now! It’s starring our favourite loser hottie Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock) we wrote about him here and directed by Slumdog Millionaire’s Danny Boyle in his return to theatre. So excited and it’s at a very intimate venue at the National Theatre! Click the image below for tickets…

Simple ways to get free tickets in London, capital of great expense!

1. If you’re under 26 try Arts Council’s A Night Less Ordinary, contact the venues far in advance though to find out when their free tickets are released. All the major subsidised venues such as Roundhouse, BAC and others are on there.

2. Same again but Barbican and National Theatre have their own free-to-join schemes for under 26 year olds which are ace as they email you when tickets are available and you can get em for some super stuff. Their follow up tickets for a fiver are ace too!

3. Join What’s On Stage’s theatre club for free theatre tickets to the best west end shows all year round. Membership can be pricey but it’s worth it!

4. Time Out’s offers page is amazing for free tickets, add it to your bookmarks and get free tickets to amazing gigs, shows and events. It is updated roughly every Tuesday to coincide with the publication of the magazine…SO GOOD!

5. Evening Standard’s offers and competitions are unbeatable, always good tickets for variety of events.

6. Our favourite weekly mailout Run-Riot has super free tickets every week for the most offbeat and cool events around.

JOKE OF THE DAY:

What do you call a really bad fête?

(Answer at the bottom of the page…oi, stop scrolling, read the article first!)

Loserville loves nothing more than a good ol’ knees up down the local village green.

We’re a crack shot at the coconut shy, and certainly know our way around a cake stall (shush).

There can be no better summer afternoon spent, than a day at the fête, picking up bargain homemade damson jam, and splatting the rat (if you’re lucky).

London-based Loserville sometimes gets a little sad at the lack of inner-city fêtes but…

FEAR NOT!

The Alternative Village Fête 2010 takes place this weekend as part of the Watch This Space Festival at The National Theatre.

They Say:

“The Alternative Village Fete is home live art’s annual anarchic jamboree at the National Theatre. Expect a sideways slant on the traditional family day out where the folk is activism and the bunting is radical!

We will be presenting a packed programme of participatory and performance projects across the stage and stalls, embracing all that is Fete – the Morris dancing, the make do and mend, the British Gent, the tea & cake.  As well as artist’s fete games, 20′s style workouts, St John’s Ambulance amateur dramatics, gentlemen’s grooming and etiquette, Hill Billy barn dancing, rocking folk fusion live music and much much more!”

We Say:

Get on down to the South Bank for a weekend of marvellous entertainment (and cake!).

Check out the Perfromance Programme here –  the fête takes place on 28th August 1pm-7.30pm and 29th August 1pm-4pm by the river outside the National Theatre.

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ANSWER:

A fête worse than death!

(Oh dear…)