Our pick of the month is Brian Lobel’s Cruising for Art, a suspiciously non-Xmas event. If you’re feeling festive try BAC, BGWMC, Duckie’s Copyright Christmas, Drink Shop & Do and much more…read on Scrooge, read on…

…

…

Christmas Cook Up Season @ Battersea Arts Centre | 1st-31stDecember | Various Times | £Various

 BAC presents a delightful festive festival packed with emerging theatre developed on site, including theatre, music, words, food & drink. Our pick of the pops includes: “Bluebeard“ - a dark cabaret fairytale about a nobleman in the habit of murdering his wives; and renegade theatre troupe Little Bulb’s “The Mother of All Goose Parties” – a musical journey/party.

Christmas Open Studios @ Cockpit Arts | 2nd-4th December | Free

  Don’t Argos it! Buy something truly unique from Cockpit Arts’ supremely talented bunch of crafty creatives. Choose from fashion accessories, homewares and much more as you enjoy some lovely food courtesy of Handmade Food, or enter the prize draw to win handmade Christmas decorations made by CA’s talented designers. 

Bethnal Green Working Mens Club Xmas Season @ BGWMC | 3rd-17th December | Various Times | £Various

 Come to the venue where it’s so camp, it’s Christmas all year round! Highlights of their awesome Christmas parties include: Coney Island Christmas Party (inspired by the kookiest car-crash beach resort that is Coney Island N.Y.) on the 3rd December; Dirty Fan Male (based on real letters sent to porn stars) on the 14th December; and the Cream Revue Christmas Party.

Canadian Blast vs Oui Love @ Rich Mix | 5th December | 19:30 | Free

Oui fell in love with ‘Oui Love’ at the Institut Francais, where we bopped insanely to their latest compilation of French future mega-hits. We can’t wait to hear Zooey at RichMix.

Amateur Transplants @ Lyric Theatre | 5th December | 20:00 | £22.50

Ok we admit it, we are totally obsessed with musical comedy – we write about it more than anything else on the site. See some cream-of-the-crop musical comedy at the luscious Lyric Theatre, full of witty puns and laugh out loud mayhem from YouTube stars, Amateur Transplants.

Robyn Hood @ The RVT | 7th & 28th-30th December | Various Times | £8.50

We went to the RVT Panto last year and saw stripping, beautiful rhyming song with Marcus Reeves and trannies. This year we expect nothing less.

Brian Lobel’s Cruising for Art @ Vogue Fabrics | 9th December | 20:00-22:00 | £5

 Unbelievably brilliant and irreverently sleazy event where audience members have to cruise an audacious array of artists in order to gain access to intimate, one on one performances – all over 4 floors of the Vogue Fabrics mansion. The line up for this round includes Bryony Kimmings, Tui’s Nail Bar (Tui is an emerging artist – just 10 years old!), Eirini Kartsaki, Mamoru Iriguchi, Rachel Gomme, Catherine Long, The Famous Lauren Barri Holstein, Timberlina (as Tim Redfern), GraceLes and Owen Parry.

Duckie Copyright Christmas and Duckie Christmas Market @ The Barbican | 10th-30th December | Various Times | £19.99

We are very impressed to see that those fabulous Duckie people have infiltrated the usually-clean Barbican website with falling snow. Pretty! In their latest interactive charade, featuring Scottee & Harrold Offeh, the collective express their dissatisfaction with the commercialism of Christmas. We feel the same! Then, after you’ve got all ruffled by the performance, explore the Duckie Christmas Market for offbeat treats from independent sellers who love a chat.

The Joy of Sketch @ Lyric Theatre | 12th December | 19:30 | £17.50-£38.50

 Sketch comedy is a Loserville favourite genre, and we are happy that Time Out got its thinking cap on and put on this festive frollic with some of the best troupes around. Including Late Night Gimp Fight, Idiots of Ants, The Pajama Men and Two Episodes of Mash.

Bourgeois & Maurice: Fa La La La La @ Soho Theatre | 14th December – 7th January | 21:45 | £10-£15

Christmas cheer not quite grabbed you? Perfect! Come and join LV faves Bourgeois and Maurice for their festive (?) Christmas spectacular. Expect: hilarity, doom mongering and costume changes (we hope!).

The Xmas Starty @ Soho Theatre | 14th-23rd December | Various Times | £15

Soho Theatre says: “The most bizarre office Christmas party you will ever attend.” We say: “Bring it on babycakes!”. Dress up in your frump chic and enjoy the music, passion, laughs, games, dances, prizes and crafting.

Inappropriate Christmas Card Making @ Drink, Shop & Do | 21st December | 20:00ish | Free (well, you have to buy a drink…)

This cute cafe in Kings Cross presents great participatory events including knit-ins, musical bingo and inappropriate Xmas fun. Don’t miss this hidden gem…

Don’t miss Loserville favourites and Fosters Lifetime Comedy Award Winners, ‘Frank Chickens’ and Home Live Art at the supremely FREE Barbican Weekender…this Saturday at 4pm on the club stage at the Barbican Weekender.

LOL Love the biog which Barbican has approved to be on its website:

Founded in 1928, by performance artist Kazuko Hohki, who is reputed to have brought karaoke to Britain, Frank Chickens have toured the world with their spectacular live set of songs, stories, costume changes, visuals and a cast of thousands!.

Experience the unique sound, visuals and performance of Frank Chickens as they wow the Barbican with outlandish Japanese-inspired music, costume quick-changes and visuals.

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=231745286841087

Duckie’s Lullaby

@ The Barbican until July 24th

“Loserville’s best night’s sleep in… well, ever”

Justin Vivian Bond – Dendrophile

@ Soho Theatre until July 9th

“like meeting up with an old friend, and remembering just why you love them so much”

Jonny Woo’s Gay Bingo

@ Soho Theatre August 7th & September 4th

“trashy trannies & porn for prizes - bingo as you’ve never seen it before”

If there’s one thing Loserville hates (actually, there are thousands of things, but still, imagine there was just one…), it’s reviews that spoil all the surprises. Luckily, Lullaby, from those fab Duckie people, is so successful in achieving what it sets out to do, that it’s actually impossible for me to litter this piece with spoilers.

Let us explain: Lullaby is “a gentle, slumber show designed to send you to sleep”. And so it did. Having arrived and checked in, Loserville got changed into our rather splendid PJ’s, supped on a mug or two of hot chocolate, and then tucked ourselves into bed to enjoy the show. About an hour or so later, Loserville was fast asleep, for our best night’s sleep in… well, ever.

Before our eyelids gently shut, we were treated to gorgeous melodies, soothing bedtime stories, and dream-like sequences which made the 9-til-5 grind of daily life recede into insignificance. It’s so nice to go to sleep with a smile on your face – and there was a beautiful surprise in the morning to make sure we woke up smiling too.

Boiled eggs and soldiers finished things off nicely, and then boom! Reality seeped back into our lives, and Loserville was off to spend another day at the office. There’s no denying it though – we were smiling all day. More Info & Tickets Here

_________________________

Loserville has been hearing great things about Mx. Justin Vivian Bond for years, we’ve got all the albums, and of course we heart Shortbus. We’re ashamed to say, then, that until this last week, we hadn’t had the pleasure of a night in Mx. Bond’s company.

There’s always a risk when you see someone performing live for the first time, especially when you’ve been a big fan from a distance for so long: will they live up to your expectations, or shatter the illusion? We needn’t have worried.

Showcasing songs from the new album, along with a crowd-pleasing singalong rendition of “In The End” (the beautiful song from the end of Shortbus) and a Loserville-pleasing cover of The Carpenters’ Superstar, Justin had the audience enthralled from beginning to end, whilst in between songs, stories about anyone and everyone from Vanessa Redgrave to Tennessee Williams, thoughtful and hilarious in equal measure, cast light on the stories behind the tunes.

What struck Loserville most was the modd of the night – this wasn’t the performance of a diva for whom the audience is merely a distraction, nor the self-absorbed attention seeking which accounts for so much underwhelming cabaret. This was so different, so much better – it felt like meeting up with an old friend, and remembering just why you love them so much.

This may have been Loserville’s first time at a Justin Bond show, but we know one thing for sure: Justin is that rare thing, a performer you could must see every time she’s in town. Because once you know what you’ve been missing, you just can’t get enough. More Info & Tickets Here

_________________________

Loserville was really trying to have a quiet, relaxing weekend. But then we thought, f@&k it, relaxing is for grown ups!

There’s no better (legal) way of sticking two fingers up to the week to come than Jonny Woo’s Gay Bingo, which made it’s Soho Theatre debut in style.

For anyone who hasn’t had the pleasure, Gay Bingo is like regular bingo, but with the odd improvement: out go the grannies and the big cash prizes (who needs money anyway?); in come trashy trannies, porn for prizes, and a celebratory on-stage romp whenever good ol’ 69 makes an appearance.

When he’s not calling the numbers as if his wigmaker’s life depends on it, Jonny leads a whole host of camptastic fun and frolics, from Liza singalongs to Human Centipede re-enactments. All true.

This is bingo as you’ve never seen it before, and believe us: you’ll never go back to the bingo hall after this! More Info & Tickets Here

We actually cannot wait to get into our PJs and have a beautiful one night stand with Duckie at the Barbican…Lullaby their new show takes the audience into dreamland, lulling them to a delightful sleep in a comfy bed. Then you wake up at 7am with a lovely breakfast and head on your way with life meaning slightly more than before. A unique and truly sensational experience not to be missed! Tickets are here

They say: In this sublime sleepover Duckie transforms the theatre into a big beautiful bedroom for an audience of dreamers. Bring chums and book singles, a double or even a triple bed and sleep with us on a summer night in the city. Enjoy your private dreams as sister songstresses Harriet & H Plewis and domestic dreamers Matthew Robins and Tim Spooner create a nod off narrative of soothing storytelling and choral cradle song

Simple ways to get free tickets in London, capital of great expense!

1. If you’re under 26 try Arts Council’s A Night Less Ordinary, contact the venues far in advance though to find out when their free tickets are released. All the major subsidised venues such as Roundhouse, BAC and others are on there.

2. Same again but Barbican and National Theatre have their own free-to-join schemes for under 26 year olds which are ace as they email you when tickets are available and you can get em for some super stuff. Their follow up tickets for a fiver are ace too!

3. Join What’s On Stage’s theatre club for free theatre tickets to the best west end shows all year round. Membership can be pricey but it’s worth it!

4. Time Out’s offers page is amazing for free tickets, add it to your bookmarks and get free tickets to amazing gigs, shows and events. It is updated roughly every Tuesday to coincide with the publication of the magazine…SO GOOD!

5. Evening Standard’s offers and competitions are unbeatable, always good tickets for variety of events.

6. Our favourite weekly mailout Run-Riot has super free tickets every week for the most offbeat and cool events around.

I’m skint, you’re skint, we’re all skint; let’s have a rollicking good summer anyway…by following the cheapskates guide to life below, we want your suggestions please leave your top tips below as a comment!:

1. We’re a bit slow off the draw for these but this weekend both West End Live and Paradise Gardens festival are taking place. West End Live is an outdoor spectacular featuring all the west end shows you normally can’t afford including Wicked, Hair, Legally Blonde and many more. With ticket prices at £95 for best seats, you can’t afford to miss this.
2. Paradise Gardens is a lovely festival in Victoria Park, Mile End. Had some great fun here and it lasts all summer with differing shows and outdoor fun.. oooher vicar ;). Their highlights include…Music on the Paradise Stage from: Jazz at Lincoln Centre Orchestra with Wynton Marsalis, Jazz Jamaica, Soul Jazz Orchestra, Brute Chorus, Movits, UK premiere of ‘Wishful’ a site specific spectacular, Footsbarn Theatre presents ‘Sorry’, Electro Ballroom with: The Correspondents, Arriba La Cumbia, Sensational Street Arts including the London premiere of ‘Gloves On’ from Ragroof Theatre, Heart N Soul presents ‘The Beautiful Octopus Club’, T-Mobile’s Big Dance Countdown and new work by ‘Avant Garde’ and ‘Cindy Claes’ http://www.paradisegardensfestival.org.uk/ Tickets for Footsbarn Theatre’s ‘Sorry’ can be ordered here: https://www.barbican.org.uk/eticketing/performancelist.asp?shoid=18134
3. Futurising, 29-30 June 2010 is London’s free creative careers festival, amazing people to talk to about future careers, training, courses and workshop sessions, so you can give up your shitty admin day job and doing something amazing everyday. http://www.futurising.org Nicholls & Clarke Building, 3-10 Shoreditch High Street, Spitalfields, London E1 6PG
4. Greenwich + Docklands International Festival This year’s Festival invites you to experience the world from a different angle! Our theme is “Earth” and with 10 days of surprising, surreal and spectacular outdoor arts events we hope to encourage you to think about Greenwich and East London in new ways: some performances will offer new perspectives on familiar landscapes and settings, whilst others will delve into our relationship with the Earth, using Greenwich’s role as the home of the Prime Meridian – ‘the centre of time and space’, as inspiration. From large scale spectaculars exploring Newtonian gravity and Darwinian evolution, to more intimate performances inviting us to think about climate change, ideas of “home” and different cultural maps of the world, the Festival has been devised as a journey of discovery, enabling you to experience some extraordinary, world class performances across Greenwich and Tower Hamlets. http://www.festival.org It’s all this week and next…don’t miss Voala in Woolwich this Saturday 26th at 10pm and also the show in Millwall Dock next friday and saturday, we saw the company last year – they are so awesome – naked men on boats and fireworks – what more could you ask for…
5. The Scoop Awesome free festival with free theatre and film. We watched Withnail and I in our picnic blankets last year, was ace! http://www.morelondon.com/scoop.html
6. iTunes Festival Free festival featuring top names in our favourite venue in London the Roundhouse (in Camden). Our favourites for this year are Foreigner + Europe on the 25th July 2010, Mumford and Sons + Laura Marling on the 9th July 2010, Kate Nash on the 6th and Scissor Sisters on 1st. Be sure to register at http://apps.facebook.com/itunesfestival/ and don’t fret if you’re not selected there are tickets available on the door if you get there an hour or two before the show and wait in a queue (bring wine from the Sainsburys opposite the Roundhouse)
7. Create London 6 weeks of great free and cheap events in London this summer http://createlondon.org/2010/

Amazing birdies exhibition! They play guitar. Quite seriously the most joyous piece of art I have seen in years. Miss it at your peril. More detail to come…

Until 23rd May 2010 at the Barbican

Barbican Website