Loserville’s Health and Safety Policy – Please Read for your own Health & Safety

Following a spate of fire incidents and ‘accidents’ at LV towers, Loserville has asked the fabulous health and safety wizard Greta Gould to formulate a H&S policy for us…please read and leave a comment to say you’ve read to confirm we’re all on the same page regarding these crucial points for your online safety.

GENERAL STATEMENT OF POLICY

• It is the policy of Loserville to provide you with the necessary skills and information to avoid finding yourself in a position where you have to ask such inane questions as:

‘Who am I?’

‘What is the meaning of Life?’

‘Is there such a thing as true love?’

‘Should I watch Strictly or X Factor tonight?’

• Loserville recognises and accepts its responsibilities to protect your fresh and puny minds from the awfulness of reality.  To this end, Loserville will co-operate with such worthy organisations that can provide you with the meanest and lowest of all entertainments.
• The specific arrangements for the implementation of the policy and the personnel responsible are set out below.

CHILD PROTECTION POLICY

• Are you under 18?

If yes, fuck off!

DATA PROTECTION POLICY

• It is the responsibility of Loserville to obtain the appropriate disclosure of information as to the conjugal condition of any Z-list celebrity in so far as it impacts upon their treatment by the general public.
• Personal information collected by Loserville is stored in our various social networking sites that are completely available to anyone with access to the Internet.

PRIVACY POLICY

• This is to confirm that Loserville takes the security and privacy of our victims and associates very seriously.
• We do not share any information unless it’s gratuitous nor do we collect or retain any information that’s of little interest to us.
• We will use your personal information necessary for us to provide our services to our clients, namely in amusing each other and ourselves.

EMPLOYER’S LIABILITY INSURANCE

• No one’s getting paid for this, so I don’t know what you mean by ‘Employer’.

RESPONSIBILITIES & ARRANGEMENTS FOR LOSERVILLE’S POLICY MANAGEMENT

• THE DIRECTOR

Who?

• COMPETENT PERSONS

Well, I haven’t seen any.

• THE WORKING PARTY

We don’t work, we play.

FIRE SAFETY

In the event of an emergency, good luck!