CONGRATULATIONS MOLLY SEYBOLD! THE BIGGEST LOSER IN ALL OF LOSERVILLE!
Thursday, August 19th, 2010. Filed under: Uncategorized
Unfortunately, this competition has now closed. Congratulations to Molly, who won a shitload of goodies from our friends at Maiden. Stick around for lots more competitions – NEXT WEEK, WIN SOME POUND-SHOP PORN!
Finally some absolutely great prizes from our friends at Maiden, the loveliest new shop for all your quirky books (including a beautiful collection of Ladybird books featuring Prince Charles and naked men), oddities, gifts and miscellaneous perfect products. Check out their shop on Shoreditch High Street for their superb full collection or also shop online at www.maidenshop.com for 15% off see below…
Our favourite goodies are included in this super £50 goodie bag including: Eyes Clock, PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP tea towel, Fuck this book (book from www.fuckthiswebsite.com ) and the gorgeously narcissistic I “heart” myself t-shirt.
To enter please leave a comment on this page (go to the bottom of the page and click add comment) telling us your Loserville moment! The time when you felt most loserific, can be embarrassing, can be funny, can be your proudest moment, BE IMAGINATIVE PEEPS!
Winner will be notified by email on the 20th August 2010.
Special offer for Loserville readers: 15% off when you quote ‘loserville’ online or in store. Check out the range on their website or in the pix below!
To sign up to the Maiden mailing list for wkd news and offers click here
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Got very drunk in Berkshire a few weeks back, and was promptly convinced by my loser friends that it would be a good idea to go skateboarding outside Broadmoor High Security prison at 3am… so we did… and we got threatened by a scary man with an even scarier dog… however, not before i managed to scrape my arm and cut my knee upen attempting a trick!
I have three scenarios that really stand out for me among many haha:
1) when I was about 6 or 7, myself and my older cousin were practicing our ballet in the attic which had been converted into a ballet studio. As I landed from a leap she had been teaching me I fell straight through the floor and landed on my bed in our bedroom (which was very lucky!).
2)I study theatre design and production at uni and in one of our model making lectures we had to make model furniture…I superglued my fingers together and wound up getting the mini furniture components I’d made glued to me.
3) During a recent holiday to Greece, me and a friend worked out we could easily get off our balcony and over onto my sister’s and her friends…after my sister stole my inflatable sheep, early hours of the morning we decided we were going to get onto their balcony and steal everything off their washing line and the furniture…we nearly go arrested!
I was playing rugby and one of my team mates made an epic tackle, we didnt realise until a minute later that he was on the floor in agony.
The physio rushed on the pitch only to discover that he had dislocated his hip. This is really really painful (well his screaming made it sound painful)
Anyway the Physio had to get his hip back into place ASAP, he got on with it and started to place it back into position, we heard a loud click and it was obvious the hip was back in.
The strange thing was my mate had now fainted, we all wondered what this was? the relief? the agony getting worse? none of us knew,
By this time the Ambulance had arrived, they rused him off to hospital.
later that day my mates mum rang and told me what had happened, when the Physio put the hip back in place he had caught my friends left testicle in the joint.
hmmmm tasty pretty Nasty.
My most loserville moment was when I performed my dance version of 20th century Boy on Blackpool pier for Gay pride , I was in 8 inch heels and had a heavy electric guitar around my neck , needless to say I fell over arse over tit over the front monitot which fed back my microphone and made that distorted kerrang sound you never wish to hear as a performer , jaws dropped , but I picked my self up , kicked off my heels made a comment about only having a few sherries and carried on !! Like a true trooper , afterwards some people asked me had I meant to do that . I said of course ! i dreaded witnessing this again on you tube as many people were filming but thankfully I have not seen it there , it can stay in my loserville memory banks where it belongs !!
first time i went to the Nightingale when i was 16 and i got with this really hot guy.
Was in the smoking area when some1 complimented on my friend, Dan’s CK pants. So I got up and started showing off and said, look at mine, mine is Ralph Lauren, because i got so much more class. Then the guy watching said ……. ‘why is the words spelled back to front?’
Turns out that i had the pants inside out so the name was back to front. AND TO MAKE IT WORST….. Dan said straight away ‘ he didnt go home last night so he had to wear those pants twice.’
and i watched in silence as the hot guy disappeared into the crowd.
GUTTED:(
Well what can I say… I have many looserville moments. My friends have started affectionally calling them ‘Vikki-isems’ My whole life is full of retarted moments, here I am going to tell you about on of ‘the best’
I had just joined the gym (after many years of no exercise) and spent the first couple of weeks with a personnal trainer who left me breathless and in pain (not in a good way).
One day after a hard training session, I went out on my lunch break for a walk and to grab some food, when I was walking back to work and started feeling these ‘electric shock’ stabs in the back of my leg.
I kept on walking and the shocks carried on. I started to walk slower and they wasn’t as bad. In the end I was walking so slow, I looked like an ape with a banana up his arse.
I started getting really worried, thinking I was paralysed and that I was going to lose my legs, thinking it was all the work at the gym, that I had done some real damage because of it.
I called my Nan (she is a nurse) and told her what was happening – she started getting really worried and told me I should go straight to a doctor, then I had my Mum on the phone all in a bother! I thought that was the end of me!!!
I finally made it back to my office, after what should of been a 5 minute walking actually being half an hour.
As I walked into my office and was on the verge of tears in saying to my colleagues about my problem… I realised that the belt on my coat had fallen out of its pockets and was hanging down by the back of my leg,
The ‘electric shocks’ that I was feeling was infact my belt lightly tapping my leg as I was walking, hence why it wasn’t going as fast when I was walking slower!
My colleagues found it to be absolutly hillarious and decided to tease me about it forever me, which is why I am on here telling you about it, becuase one of them told me too!
Be advised, that since that day, any belt that I have on any of my clothing is now tightly strapped to its pockets so this NEVER happens again!!
I was talking to a homeless girl in Spitalfields and offered to get her a sandwich and something to drink from Tesco instead of just giving her money. I went and bought what she said she wanted and returned to find that she had left.
I basically got stood up by a homeless person.
I had just spent a great 10 days in Vegas (Baby!) celebrating my Sisters wedding. Now I was off on my own little adventure Couchsurfing around some of the towns of Utah and Nevada. I am a pretty independant type and have travelled alone numerous times, but this one toe-curling incident truly made me glad I was not in the company of anyone. I was heading towards St. George, Utah to Couchsurf at a Mormon blokes place. I hadn’t managed to get hold of him and decided I needed to get on the internet to see if he had left a message.
I manged to find a very typical small town motel with one lone computer and desk next to the reception.
So, I began to access my emails and was merrily typing away when I had the urge to sneak a fart out. Just a run of the mill perfectly executed, so as to not make a sound, fart. As we all do, I had made a quick subconscious appraisal of the local vicinity and established I could execute the passage of wind with little risk of it being within earshot of the reception staff should it inadvertantly become audiable.
As it happened the sound that eminated from my backside was the last thing I should have been worrying about. The diarrhoea was where my concerns should have lay. But then with no warning in the form of stomache cramps I was completely off guard!
Now I had a serious dilemma.
I was sat in a very open plan motel lobby, I was sure something bad had just happened and needed to get out and get back to the rented car without drawing too much, actually ANY attention to myself!
It was quite unfortunate that I happened to be wearing very light coloured shorts.
So, quick thinking, due to the rush of adrelanline I was now experiencing, I realised I had fortuitously brought my rucksack in with me. I slid off the seat and carefully positioned the sack across my posterior and began to slip out unnoticed while the reception staff were not looking. I did glance down at the seat of the nice black leather chair to catch a light brown glazing appearance – which was going to shortly dry out and be sat upon by another unsuspecting person.
Thankfully I made it back to the car with relative ease. The next part was going to be a little more tricky. I couldn’t sit in the fabric seat of the hire car, after all it wasn’t like the wipe clean leather.
I pulled out some maps and guides of the local parks etc and hastily created myself a protective sheath. The situation was still far from over however. If I was just like most people I would be zipping off to a nice private hotel somewhere to tidy myself up. But no, I was heading to a Morman blokes house in a town I had never been to, to stay with a person I had never met.
There was only one thing for it – change in the car. Find a nice quiet road and strip off, wipe up and find something clean to put on.
Do you know how difficult it is to find a quiet road in Utah when you don’t know where to look? Very challenging indeed. I did the best I could and did what I could with the now well spread around excrement all over my rear end. So using what I had to hand (pants, socks and the clean areas of the shorts) I got myself into a semirespectable state to meet a complete stranger. Of course out in the sticks there are no bins (or should I say trash cans?) so everything that had been soiled in this calamity was neatly placed inside a plastic bag and dumped in the trunk on the car.
Finally, I felt like it was a bad situation turned round, with a bearable outcome. Nobody need ever be aware of what had occured.
Sadly, as often is the case with bowel troubles, one simple guff had not allowed the full passage of everything which which to be ejected from my person. After reaching the Mormans home I spent the next hour or so passing biblical amounts of wind while sitting on a toilet taking my arse for a piss. He, nor his house mate never said a word about the noises they must have heard!
Maybe next time I’ll tell you about my travels in Cyprus when I found myself in a traditional Turkish Bath full of local gays all helping to wash each other!
I am a loser because to this day I am a total ani difranco freak. when i was in the height of my ani obsession i somehow found her home address online. I sent her a lovely letter, with a hand drawn coloured pencil portrait (now that is loser!) I think in my dillusion I actually thought ani was going to appriciate this and write me back or call me or something… instead her people called up and asked, where did you find her address? umm can you not write to her home again please? DOH!! i died of embarrassment!!!